My companion is in deep love with me personally. Therefore now Sue is extremely hurt and seems betrayed.

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Every our relationship expert, Sarah Abell, answers readers’ questions on emotional issues week.

7:00AM GMT 15 Mar 2011

In the past my companion, Sue, said she had dropped in love beside me and I also brushed her off saying, “I don’t feel exactly the same way, you’re my best friend, I’m straight”. She is at enough time and is still in a relationship that is committed kiddies. We stayed close friends throughout the years with durations where she’d distance themself from our relationship however we’d make contact with being fine once more, at the least, I was thinking we did.

Sue now informs me she’s held it’s place in love beside me the time that is entire has struggled whenever I’ve held it’s place in relationships, which may have for ages been with dudes. Fast-forward to now and I also find myself during my very very first relationship with a lady and it also is actually with Sue’s really friend that is best of two decades. We don’t understand why it simply happened however it did and it also’s good.

She had been waiting for me personally to really have the “ah ha” moment and realise I happened to be supposed to be along with her.

Additionally the only explanation she thought through the years that people weren’t together ended up being because i might never ever desire to be with a woman. She blames me personally for the form her relationship has been around when it comes to previous many years and she feels that I’ve led her on for the whole time.

Sue is extremely upset beside me and I also have no idea simple tips to navigate the specific situation. She desires distance, that we get but i will be extremely furious too at having lost her relationship. She informs me she’s working on her behalf family and relationship now and if that gets better, we could be buddies later on. We come together thus I see her every single day. Along with her relationship together with her friend that is best hasn’t changed; it is simply ours, which can be the situation. Do any advice is had by you on how best to salvage this relationship?

What a messy situation! I must state reading your page I became reminded to be fifteen once once once again whenever my buddies and I also talked about “best friends”, had crushes, got jealous sporadically whenever buddies dated one another and would see red if a move was made by a mate on somebody we liked. You aren’t teenagers navigating the turbulent waters of unrequited love, raging hormones and testing the boundaries of friendship – you might be grown women – whom dare I say it, should be aware of better. Rather than using the passive approach of thinking this can be one thing taking place for your requirements if you and Sue took some responsibility for your own actions and behaviour– I think it would be more productive.

Let’s begin with Sue. She actually is in “a committed relationship with kiddies” and blames you for the bad state of her relationship together with her partner. If she actually is in a committed relationship – why had been she pursuing you for all these years anyhow particularly if you shared with her you weren’t interested? It is possible to blame other folks nevertheless the the fact is Sue permitted her emotions her and she, not you, is responsible for the state of her relationship with her family for you to consume.

You meanwhile appear unacquainted with why Sue might be upset and feel aggravated that she has been lost by you relationship. If you should be dedicated to salvaging this relationship you will need to attempt to comprehend her feelings and become truthful in regards to the part you played in producing this present situation. Think about truthfully whether you ever did almost anything to lead her on – knowing as you did that she had intimate emotions for you personally? Could your intimacy or friendliness have already been interpreted as flirtation Might you have put up better boundaries around your relationship? If you replied “yes” – consider apologising to Sue for just about any upset you caused.

You don’t mention just just how Sue discovered regarding your brand new relationship but from you directly – think about how that made her feel if it wasn’t. Have actually you attempted to reveal to her exactly exactly just how you unexpectedly became drawn to a woman (specially person who is her friend that is best) whenever for a lot of years you reported you might never fancy somebody of your personal intercourse? Understanding the truth will help her to comprehend a better that is little.

So what does your brand new partner consider the specific situation?

This indicates amazing that her relationship with Sue has remained unscathed. Did she perhaps maybe maybe not realize that Sue was at love she made her move with you before? But, as Sue is not upset along with her, maybe she can help you to re-build your relationship. Take to asking on her behalf insights on Sue’s reactions and maybe some suggested statements on exactly exactly what might enhance issues.

My suggestion is to keep in touch with Sue, apologise if you wish to and talk about means of moving forward along with your friendship and working relationship. Nonetheless it maybe that Sue can’t or won’t move ahead using this. If it could be the ful situation – you have got no option but to respect her emotions and also to keep her to re-build her relationships. Often maturity is once you understand when you should leave well alone.


* Please send your concerns on relationship and psychological issues to Sarah Abell, The everyday Telegraph, 111 Buckingham Palace path, London, SW1W 0DT, or e-mail sarah. Concerns should not be any more than 100 terms and really should suggest if you will find any details you wouldn’t normally want a part of print. Sarah will read every page but regrets them individually that she cannot reply to.

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